25 people on delaying kids

"I wanted to focus first on finishing my PhD, publishing, then my postdoctoral training, and by the time I finished that I was already 30. I also had to move a lot for my training and therefore I deprioritized my personal life and fertility planning in my 20s. Later on, I chose working in startups, including a very early stage one, which meant very long and unpredictable hours." — Milena, 35, scientist at a biotech startup

“After training for eight years to obtain my doctorate, and after waiting to get married after schooling, my husband and I just want to enjoy life together and travel and pay off our loans.” — Anonymous, 31, healthcare

“I don’t have enough time yet given work demands and my professional pursuit.” — Anonymous, 32, finance professional  

“I was in a stressful job and felt close to promotion, so wanted to wait until I was settled into the new, higher-level role before starting to try for a family.” — Anonymous, 33, general management

“I'm at the point where I don't want to delay kids anymore, but the two things that are holding me back are my startup job does not have maternity benefits outlined and my husband's crippling credit card debt.” — Anonymous, 33, marketing

“Being an elementary teacher, it is almost impossible to save for anything, let alone kids — the long hours, stress, and emotional demand make me really think about whether or not I can handle being a teacher and a mom.” — Anonymous, 34, teacher

“The company I work for offers benefits that include freezing my eggs and a plush salary in reward for rigorous work and extended hours. Unfortunately, this has an implied pathway to delay my timeline for having kids. However, I feel empowered to be able to keep up with my male coworkers in my perceived professional advancement.” — Anonymous, 28, retail store manager

“As a woman doing well in my profession, I wanted to wait until I hit a certain level in my career. I had a lot of upward mobility that was happening quickly, and now I know things will take longer to get to the next level... so seems like a good time to have a kid.” — Anonymous, 30, tech

“Being 35, I'm actually really glad I've ‘delayed.’ I think getting further in my career, both in seniority and salary, puts me at an advantage at having children now vs. in my 20s. It has allowed me to work in a city with more opportunities for many years. It has also allowed me to develop skills I believe I can use to consult on my own and create my own schedule if I decide at some point that is best for my family and me.” — Anonymous, 35, marketing

“The career path I was on before my current employer was much more demanding, such as 15+ hour workdays for around nine months out of the year. Now my work schedule is about 12-hour workdays for about six months out of the year. My career and the time it demands is the largest factor for my choice to delay.” — Anonymous, 28, finance

“Having children as a trainee in medicine (as a student or resident) is not openly discussed. My medical school had no policy related to family leave, so I never told them I was pregnant for fear of ‘make-up’ work that I would never have had to do if I wasn’t pregnant. I was able to use time off that is available to students for other reasons, so was able to just show up later with a three-month-old baby. My residency had a draconian family leave policy that luckily I was able to update. There is no family leave policy at the national level for residents and fellows that permits time off other than vacation.” — Anonymous, 35, physician

“Having kids still sounds impossible. My life is comfortable right now, I love my job, have a great partner, and I am saving toward a house, but there's no parental leave at my job, my health insurance literally does not cover childbirth, I don't have extended family here to help, and childcare is expensive to nonexistent. If I do end up deciding to try to have a child, it will be extremely difficult and mean significantly reducing my quality of life.” — Anonymous, 34, researcher/scientist

“I do not feel established enough in my career to walk away if I had to in order to raise a child. At my current position, you are expected to be available around the clock for your clients and work under extreme pressure/deadlines. If I were more established/comfortable in my career, I would be more open to having children.” — Anonymous, 30, advertising, media, public relations

“Hoping to be elevated to a higher position and earn a higher salary before having kids because I’m afraid it won’t happen after I have kids. I’m concerned my boss will assume I don’t want challenging assignments or added responsibility after having kids.” — Anonymous, 33, entertainment/media

"I am turning 29, and the fact that I only have six years left of 'healthy fertility' is weighing very heavily on me. I feel a lot of pressure to have children as soon as I possibly can because I don't want to be high risk when pregnant or do anything to jeopardize the health of my future child. Therefore, the job piece will come second. I need a paycheck to survive, but being a mom is much more important to me. I can always find a way to make ends meet if needed." — Anonymous, 28, customer support

“I choose to delay mainly because I deal with a lot of funders and it just appears very frowned upon when women in leadership are pregnant. I feel like my Board of Directors and funders would think that I was less capable of doing my job. As a woman of color I still continue to have to work two times harder for the people around me to believe in me. Being pregnant would make me feel as if I’m discredited in my position.” — Anonymous, 31, non-profit

“Truthfully, I'd like my company (being a startup) to be a little bit more established and my job a bit more secure before considering having kids. I'd also like to be a level higher than I am (director) as I feel it would be easier to make the jump from director to VP as a mom then it would be to jump from senior manager to director as a mom.” — Anonymous, 30, human resources

“I’m strongly considering egg freezing this year due to my age, but I have a new partner who may feel rushed if I bring up family planning together now.” — Anonymous, 37, business operations

“I’m actually pregnant now and had to quit my executive position because I didn’t work for a company that supported working mothers and also didn’t offer any maternity benefits.” — Anonymous, 39, general management

“I chose to delay having kids, and consider not having them at all, because of my student loan debt. I just can't imagine bringing a kid into the world without being able to give them everything they deserve and have a comfortable life. I think our generation is less concerned with career advancement and more concerned that we can just never afford a house or children because of the state of debt we've been left in.” — Anonymous, 29

“I have significant student loan debt that I’d like to have paid off before starting a family.  There can be so many unexpected costs when raising kids and I want to be prepared.” — Anonymous, 33, physician 

“For a long time I was on the fence about kids. When my partner and I decided we want kids, I had just finished grad school and started a new job. Grad school ate up my savings, I owe a lot in loans, and I need time to get settled in my job.” — Anonymous, 32, data scientist

“I delayed kids because advancement in my career was more important and having kids can delay promotions.” — Anonymous, 36, business operations

“I thought I was ready when I was 30, but then we were hit by the Great Recession and [my husband and I] went to graduate school to improve our future prospects and supplement our income with school loans during that time. By the time we were both finished with our degrees and ready to begin TTC, I was 37. We have been working through infertility for nearly 6 years now.” Anonymous, 42, administrative support

“I am constantly torn between seeking a new job with more future potential and better benefits that would require moving (likely closer to family) or staying in my comfortable, well-paying, pretty flexible job with a great boss to save up more before starting a family. It feels like I have to put my career on the back burner and have kids or wait several more years to have more financial security.” — Anonymous, 30, designer

13 people on not delaying kids 

“At my age, I feel high pressure to have kids regardless of what is going on in my professional life, which is quite stressful. I feel that no matter what is happening, I just have to either have a kid now or not.” — Anonymous, 40, advertising 

“I just received a big promotion and knew the next one wouldn’t be for at least another two years. At the same time, my husband was feeling settled in his job, and we knew we were going to be in Houston for the foreseeable [future]. So we thought it was the right time to start trying.” — Anonymous, 31, consultant

“Because of my age and the size of the family that I desire, I have no problem accelerating my timeline. To me, work comes secondary to raising children. No amount of job success could replace that for me.” — Anonymous, Marketing, 31

“I accelerated trying to conceive by about two years out of fear that I wouldn't be able to.” — Anonymous, 31, product development

“We found out pretty early (at age 25) that fertility was going to be a struggle for us. That accelerated our family planning timeline because we knew we wanted kids, even though we hadn’t done what we wanted financially or in our careers yet. Eight years later, I am currently expecting our third child. It’s been a wild ride, but we are so grateful for our growing family and that our fertility condition was a treatable one.” — Anonymous, 33, healthcare

“I decided to accelerate having children because I grew up in a large family. I loved the idea of having my own and making memories as a family.” — Anonymous, 29, customer support

“I don’t let my career dictate my family planning. My main issue has been finding a partner with whom I would want to start a family.” — Anonymous, 34, consultant

“I am actively trying to have children with my husband — we have suffered a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. I do not think work is more important than family and I would quit my job in a heartbeat to have children.” Anonymous, 31, healthcare

“Having a family has always been my top priority, so I have not delayed in that aspect at all. My husband and I have done everything that has been recommended by our doctors to help grow our family.” — Anonymous, 26, teacher

“Honestly, my career is in a good place. And the organization I work for is very flexible and family friendly. I have had multiple miscarriages in the past and really struggle with the thought of getting pregnant again and having another miscarriage. I’m at the age where I’m constantly asked when am I going to have a baby. I go back and forth with trying again or just accepting that it may not happen to me.” — Anonymous, 32, nurse

“Got married at 32, had a miscarriage at 33, and now I’m 34 and still haven’t conceived again yet. My only purposeful delay was waiting until we were married to get off birth control. The rest has been delayed due to circumstances out of my hands.” Anonymous, 34, human resources

“When I realized that there were no real options for career advancement and no real benefits to putting in extra work, I decided I would not put off having kids for the benefit of my employer any longer.” — Anonymous, 31, lawyer

“My reason for waiting to have kids is I just always wanted to be 30 when I became a mom. I'm getting married this year and want a year or so with my wife before we start trying. Work doesn't really have anything to do with my decisions about timeline for having kids.” — Anonymous, 28, product manager