When M and her wife started planning to have a child, they knew they needed a crash course in conceiving as a lesbian couple. "There was so much to learn," M said, "and we just didn't know where to go first. It felt overwhelming." So she went online, to a Facebook page, which then led her to a provider, and two years later, her daughter was born.
According to the Family Equality's 2019 LGBTQ Family Building Survey, 63% of LGBTQ+ people ages 18-35 are planning to become parents, and 63% of those seeking to have kids do so using reproductive technologies, (IVF, IUI, etc.) foster care, or adoption. Navigating future parenthood is complicated, so we've rounded up some resources to help point the way forward.
Facebook: Lesbian Pregnancy, Conception, and Fertility: M and her wife learned much of what they needed to know from this Facebook group dedicated to sharing information about getting pregnant. (You can also download a guide by the group's administrators about pregnancy options for lesbians here.)
Facebook groups and pages about LGBTQ+ pregnancy run the gamut; they exist for people all across the country (and the world and can answer your questions and connect you with others at various points in their journeys, as well as with health care providers, sperm banks, support groups, and more. And if you don't find what you're looking for, you can always create it!
Serious Play Films' latest production, A Womb of Their Own, follows the stories of six pregnant masculine-identified people. To accompany the film, the producer have compiled this list, which includes information on finding health care providers, midwives, fertility options, and much more.
RNE is a non-profit organization dedicated to serving the infertility community, and they have a lengthy page of recommendations for how LGBTQ+ people can construct a successful path to conception. The page also addresses issues such as cost, and potential legal complications.
This Canadian resource is a program of Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto, and it's a powerhouse of information for queer people who want to have kids. There's an excellent document about fertility preservation for transgender people, and library, where you can download the information you need electronically.
Jamie (a performer in NYC, where she lives with her wife and chldren) and Robin (a performer, writer and producer) talk candidly with one another and their guests about what it means to be queer and have babies in a world dictated by heteronormativity.
Hosts Maarit and Kristin talk about all aspects of two-mother families, including fertility, and their own (successful) story of trying to conceive).
Join host Elizabeth Caliva as she interviews guests about everything you want to know about LGBTQ+ pregnancy, as well as parenting, relationships, and sex.
In Episode 266 of The Birth Hour, a podcast about birth stories, you'll meet Trystan, a transgender man, and hear the story of how he conceived and birthed a baby with his partner.
The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth, by Stephanie Brill.
R, who conceived both of her sons via IVF with a sperm donor, swears by this book. "I used it twelve years ago," she said, "and it gave me all the facts I needed. When I finished, I really felt like I could do this." According to the LGBTQ Parenting Network (see above), your best bet is getting it from the library, since it's out of print.
As the title suggests, Rosswood's book is rife with testimonies from some same-gender parents about how they got pregnant, as well as how others negotiated the foster care system and managed adoption.
And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families, edited by Susan Goldberg and Chloë Brushwood Rose.
If you've used donor sperm or eggs, or you're thinking about doing so, check out this collection of personal essays. It's not so much advice as it is an opportunity to learn about those who have already made the choice.
And don't forget about Modern Fertility! If you do aspire to have a baby one day and have a uterus and ovaries, get all the information you need about your hormones now, so you can make decisions accordingly.